waiting i despair

but for what, I'm not sure.
sitting here at 32, this body I'm trapped in falling apart around me and the stopwatch winding down, end days finally arriving.

you made me realise my ticket wasn't good for two...

always knew I wouldn't see 35, from the time I was a little kid, same way you know where your feet are going even though you're not watching every step.
at 20 it was a wistful notion... now it's altogether too real.

how did I ever end up here?

I don't know how or when.
How the time sped by or how the things I wanted to do turned to ash, one by one. How the dreams I had turned to mocking laughter. How everything I loved became blackened and dull by my touch, listless as if poisoned.

I cannot leave here, I cannot stay...